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Title:
  The Gigolo

UK Distributor:  Kiseki

BBFC Certificate:  18

Suggested Retail Price (SRP):  £12.99

Running Time:  45 mins (approx.)

Audio Options:  English Stereo

Subtitles:  None

Reviewer:  Rich (Webmaster)

 

Look, I’ll tell you what happens.  A Gigolo lives with girlfriend who doesn’t seem to mind him sleeping with people for money, he meets a woman with posh car, she tells him no man can make her happy, he proves her wrong, he finds out she is a hitwoman, he agrees to help her get revenge on a mafia boss in exchange for her posh car, she kills mafia boss but dies in the process, he buries her at sea in her posh car, he then goes home and sleeps with his girlfriend.

I would normally desperately attempt to avoid plot spoilers at all costs when writing reviews but I have decided to tell you what happens so that you do not have to subject yourself to this utter pile of toss.

This is the worst anime I have seen.  If it was a live action film even Channel 5 wouldn’t screen it. The ‘plot’ is abysmal, the voice acting beyond laughable, the action non existent and the sex scenes about as interesting as creosoting a shed.  It is said that if 100 monkeys typed on 100 typewriters for 100 years they’d come up with Shakespeare; on that scale the dialogue here would probably be the work of a couple of bored gerbils given 25 minutes on a Vic 20.

This could possibly be construed as Hentai, if so then the fact it actually has a plot – even one as bad as this – and no rape scenes may give it credit above other titles in that genre, however the fact that there is more dialogue than sex probably rules that out.

The only thing that can possibly be noted from this is the painfully 80’s style of the whole piece, with flashy sports cars, hideous suits and chunky jumpers vying for attention above the terrible music and cheesy dialogue.  Considering the anime was made in 1993 it can only be deduced that the source manga was a few years old.  However it must also be said that the main character does have the broadest shoulders in anime, seriously, the guy must get wedged in doorways.

All in all this actually manages to be so bad that it isn’t even funny.  It took a concerted effort and a lot of alcohol to finish watching it, and even then it was like watching a car crash – you can’t look away in case it gets any worse.  Please, please, please don’t ever bother with this, it’s 45 minutes of your life you’ll never see again.

Extras 

None (VHS reviewed).  Please note that this is now available on DVD in the UK as a double bill with Rei Rei.

Ratings

Feature: (only because we don't have a minus mark)  Extras: N/A
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